Hey everyone! Well, I’ve finally caved in. The first rule of entertainment is to give the audience what they want. And what you clearly want is Kari. So welcome to the new and improved KRUSHIN’ ON KARI HOMEPAGE!! Yup, from here on out there’s not going to be anymore Erik or Daryl or Rahistal... just 100% Kari Athens. All Kari, all the time!
In the tradition of trying something different, we have “Fully Clothed Pics”, a gallery devoted to Kari wearing the finest winter wear in the Fleet Farm catalogue. People have told me they get all hot about a girl in an Artic Cat suit and I’ve listened. So don’t expect any exposed skin here - no sir. Just click on the link and enjoy!
Next up is “Romance Tales”, loosely based on selections from Oprah’s Book Club. Here Tony and I will try our hand at telling inspirational short stories about courageous women who overcome some truly heart-wrenching tragedies in historical times. Either that or rip off plots from “Desperate Housewives”. Maybe a classic “Buffy“ episode or two.
Which brings us to the new format of the annual Summer Blockbuster Gallery, “Estrogen Theatre”! Since we’re focusing on just one character, expect all our entries to be about Kari. For example, Kari will be in skimpy Slave attitire in our homage to “Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith”. See Kari AS Angelina Jolie breaking up Brad Pitt’s marriage in “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”. And wait until you discover what’s sweeter than chocolate to Willy Wonka in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory“. Then four weeks in see us give up and sit on our ass the rest of the season.
Speaking of new formats, since Erik doesn‘t exist anymore, what‘s to become of Tony and my upcoming collaborating comic? Well, since Tony‘s already written four issues, we‘ve decided to change it slightly and here on out it‘s new title will be “Yin Vs. Kari“!
If you’re like me, you’re worried about converging events drawing attention to a possible oil shortage. The Bush administration realizes $56 a barrel for crude oil is highly unorthodox. And while opening an Alaskan wildlife refuge to drill would only seem to heighten the problem, most analysts fear it’s the only choice to avoid a global disaster. That’s why we have the new “Global Economy” page. It’s our hopes this can become a forum in our efforts to work alongside China and India, who are also in the grab for this precious commodity.
Our “Guest Artists” page will be a place where gifted individuals can grace our site with their own unique views of our beautiful heroine. Unfortunately right now the only pictures we have are of Erik, but it IS something we’re working on. So if you‘d like to submit something, something that actually has Kari IN it, by all means please do. We’re begging you.
To show we can be equal, we present to you our “Swimsuit Gallery”, showcasing Kari in skimpy swimsuits that couldn’t possibly exist because no realistic woman has breasts that huge. But that didn’t stop one of my cousin’s former classmates next-door neighbors who is such a huge fan, I’ve been told he pretends to be Kari while drawing pictures in his basement as kidnapped women thrown in holes are forced to put on lotion. But I’m getting off the subject ....
And speaking of obsession, we have our new shrine devoted to one the most talented young actresses of the 21st century, Ms. “Lindsey Lohan” who‘s mastery of the craft tops even Hepburn and Garbo. Our tribute to her is piddly compared to the tour-de-force she‘s shown in such remakes as “The Parent Trap“, “Freaky Friday“, “Song of the South“, and the upcoming “Herbie: Fully Loaded“. Plus she has an incredible singing voice.
Well, that’s it for now. If you get a chance, drop us a line and tell us what you think. Like it? Hate it? Accidentally got here because you googled “Artic Cat”? Give us a piece of your mind. We’ll be back in a couple of weeks to hand out some more excuses on delays, so until then.... - Jake